Nati + Single = Trouble! - Dale Karauria

If you're Nati and single, watch out!  Your relations will literally drive you nuts with their well-meaning 'matchmaking' (more like pimping) efforts.  Rather than asking you what you're looking for/would like, they compile lists of 'candidates' that usually fall into three categories: Nati men (of course!); men from neighboring iwi; or men from wealthy iwi (invariably far away from the Coast).  Non-Maori men (unless they are royalty or multi-millionaires) do not even get a look in. Oh, and then there's Willie Apiata - he's on everyone's list (thank God for that Whanau a Apanui whakapapa!).

My friend (see previous blog) told me that her husband advises their 3 sons to only date non-Nati women as they're 'more compliant'.  As a result of this (apparently widespread belief), while the Nati candidates list may seem full of possibilities, the likelihood of hooking up with one is very slim.  Prospects in neighboring and wealthy iwi change according to the nature of the inter-iwi relationships.  One month there are plenty of 'fish', and the next month there are none - the fish analogy seemed so appropriate and should give you some big hints about who's in and who's out.

It's obviously too awkward to discuss 'between the sheets' abilities, but basic requirements such as good looks (e.g. have teeth and clean hair), good health (not dependent on 'substances'), and good prospects (a job, money, some skills) - is that too much to ask?!  Let's not even get into what one's relations might consider luxuries (a good brain, a love of travel, loads of money/a great body so you don't care that he has no money).  And if the 'candidates' have none of these qualities, then you are encouraged to 'do it for the whanau'.  Watch out if your relations have access to the airwaves (aye Te Rau) or internet - if you saw that 'Must Love Dogs' movie recently, you probably received a whole lot of 'your list of matches' e-mails from dating websites a week later (or was it just me?).

Anyway, it would be great to hear some of the intra- and inter-iwi love stories, or any hard case stories about relations trying to hook you up.... surely I'm not the only one fending off well-meaning relations....